Boyfriend’s moving away for college, how do I deal?
heart is aching as I type this. My boyfriend is 3 years older then
me and I am a freshmen in high school. I met him at an art school I
busted my a** to get into. I just fell in love with him. He accepted
my feelings and together we are happy as can be. There is just one
problem....he is going off to college.
said that he didn't want to go off to college and see another girl
and fall in love with her and break my heart while I am back here
waiting for him. In other words he thinks we are going to have to
break up. I do not know if he is doing this for my best interest or
not but it is just killing me. I know that it is going to break me.
be honest I love him so much that I am willing to wait. I just don't
want to lose him. When he holds me I feel happy and relieved. I have
never met someone so kind, gentle and loving in my life. When we are
together I can be myself. When we kiss my world stands still.
just want his happiness even if we are apart. The thing that I fear
the most is, this year I am starting a new school and I am going to
have to make new friends. I worked so hard and the thing is my life
right now is perfect in every other way. I love him and I want him
to be happy, I can't just let him go, but I can't fight for him and
strangle his dreams.
are many things in life that are easy. Love is not one of them.
You’ve met your first love and chances are you’ve been selective
about the guys you date, leading to your very real feelings right
now. “I love him and I want him to be happy” – that
says it all. Love is about wanting the best for the other, in
other words do the reasonable thing. The two of you don’t know
each other for long so take it easy. Falling in love shouldn’t be
about giving up the rest of your life. You both have school/college
ahead of you and that’s where your focus should be. Focus on your
new school and making new friends while he does the same in college,
keep in touch if possible and grow as friends (try not to lose that)
and as individual successes. Don’t worry too much about, how
meeting other people may influence either of you, it could happen
whether you are a part or not.
that are solid are the one’s that can stand the test of
time. A good relationship is about friendship, honesty,
compatibility and a mutual spirit to root for the other. So do just
that, for him and for your own future.
perfect match is someone who makes you happy, someone who makes you
smile, makes everything seem better, comfortable and blissful. And
while in your case it may seem like you’ve found it (and you may
have) don’t be hasty in what you do as a consequence, if the two
of you are best for each other then you’ll know it in the long
run, time a part won’t hinder much, in fact time a part would
bring you to better realization.
both young and have your whole lives ahead to learn from, so take
that leap to discover ‘you’. Take in your new surrounding, get
to know a new group of people, and explore life to help you come to
a better understanding of who you are and what you want.
How do I become ‘comfortable’ with the way I look?
“……it's normal for weight to fluctuate while your
metabolism develops and adjusts to your lifestyle in terms of
how much you exercise or burn calories and your diet.”
am 19 years old and am afraid I might have somewhat of an eating
disorder. I loose and gain kilos VERY quickly. I restrict myself
from junk-food most of the time but then over-eat at other times.
I'll see cake in the refrigerator for example and I'll say to myself
'no, I can’t eat that' but later, I’ll end-up eating several
slices of it all at once. I am constantly fearful of becoming fat.
I'm fine with myself now, but I still think that I need to lose some
weight. My family often comments on how I am too skinny and bony but
I disagree. I've already been to a doctor a few times and she said
I'd be fine once I got to my 'ideal weight. I think, I like the
way I eat; I just want to be healthy, feel comfortable and like the
way I look.
Not to worry, it's
normal for weight to fluctuate while your metabolism develops and
adjusts to your lifestyle in terms of how much you exercise or burn
calories and your diet.
healthy diet is one that incorporates a variety of proportionate
servings from each food group (protein, dairy, carbohydrates,
vitamins/minerals and even ‘some’ fats). Remember to portion
control, avoid over indulgence/binge eating, especially on empty
calories. Exercise, (of any form, be it jogging, dancing, playing a
sport or whatever else), is also important to help you stay healthy,
active, energized and best of all, feel incredible about yourself.
for your ideal weight, well that parallels your height, age and
lifestyle; there’s also your bone density to consider so avoid
judging weight based on the number on the scale alone. Talk to a
dietician/nutritionist to workout your stats and body type. Self
perception of one’s image is about confidence; it comes down to
knowing your strengths, to flaunt and knowing your weaknesses, to
My Best friend did a 360
“Amidst friends, there’s simply no room for
have a problem. My best friend has lately become really different.
She has another group of friends and when she's with them, she acts
self centered and haughty (like she’s better than me and our other
friends), she comes a across as ignorant. I think she deep down has
a confidence problem. She always boasts about herself and tries to
compete with me non-stop over just about everything.
is a group of us who’ve been friends for quite a long time but
neither of us can figure out what’s going on here. We all want to
stay her friend but her behavior is driving us crazy, when we spend
time together, the rest of us just about feel invisible because it
is always about what ‘she’ did/will do/wants to do, etc…What
should we do?
it’s very astute of you to acknowledge your friend’s
insecurities and desperate need to boost her own ego and self extol.
So what’s brought on this change in disposition? Well it sounds
like the new clique she is spending time with, may have something to
do with it. People we associate with, (especially those with
dominant traits) have an uncanny way of influencing our
blame where it ought to remain, the bottom line is, she has turned
into an obnoxious snob, whatever the reasons such behavior simply
doesn’t cut it. Amidst friends, there’s simply no room for
friend needs a reality check. She’s showing off, in front of the
wrong people, you know her well enough to say it like it is, so talk
to her about what’s going on.
you might be inclined to play along with your friend’s
idiosyncratic means to grooming social status, take heed that while
this may be a sudden jolt of vanity, it may also be a cry for
attention. Sometimes people behave uncharacteristically as a cover
up for something else.
and your other friends ought to let your now estranged best friend
know that as much as you and the others may adore her, she
needs to get over herself and stop being so self-involved. Help her
her new attitude simply isn’t impressing anyone, in fact it’s
far from acceptable, it’s callous, uncalled for and more than a
tad embarrassing (for her).
girls are raped they are affected in many ways, for me there seemed
to be no reaction.
summer I had gotten past tipsy (but not drunk) at a party having a
few drinks with this guy. He started to feel me up and touch on me
but it was as if I couldn’t respond. When he started taking my
clothes off I realized what he wanted, but it didn’t quite hit
home that he wanted to have sex with me until I saw him pull down
his pants. That’s when I started freaking out. I tried to get away
but the alcohol slowed my reflexes. He pulled me back to him got on
top and shoved it in. I tried to fight him, I was crying, kicking, and
begging him to get off of me. He kept hushing me and acted like
he couldn't hear what I was saying.
finally got off of me; I threw on whatever clothes I could find and
ran out. My best friend followed after me trying to figure out what
was going on. While his friend went down to see what happened. The
guy that forced me to have sex came to the room that I was at
he told me that I came on to him and wanted to do it. I was
convinced that he was right, I wasn’t sober yet and my mind
couldn’t comprehend the whole situation. Even to this day I'm not
really affected by the whole situation; it’s as if it never
happened. Is there something wrong with me?
it comes to truly traumatic experiences especially those like yours
in which you felt powerless and under someone else’s control, the
brain often shuts and blocks out the (bad) memory to help you cope.
You are in a state of ‘numb’ thus non-reactive.
is nothing wrong with you. You feel as though ‘as if it never
happened’ because of two reasons. First being inebriated you were
out of clear sense of mind therefore there is no real memory
attached to help you remember, also when it comes to truly traumatic
experiences especially those like yours in which you felt powerless
and under someone else’s control, the brain often shuts and blocks
out the (bad) memory to help you cope. You are in a state of ‘numb’
with someone who is intoxicated is wrong; there are no ifs or buts
about it. Lame claims like you came on to him are bogus; his futile
attempt to convince you that nothing had gone wrong.
simple points here are, you were tipsy, therefore not in conscious
frame of mind, and you said ‘no’ that’s enough for any guy to
respect your wishes, pack up his goods and head for the door. Instead this deplorable guy
took advantage of the situation and ignored your resistance, the
kicking, crying and pleas for him to get off.
can often get out of hand and considering
the fact that you only had just a few drinks but where unable to
control your reflexes it is possible that aside from taking in a few
drinks someone may have slipped something in you drink like Rohypnol
a party drug most commonly referred to as the date rape drug.
practice vigilance in parties please keep the following in mind:
leave your drink unattended
drink with strangers
accept drinks from strangers/people you don’t trust
attend parties alone
with a close clique of friends and keep tabs on each other
a party, so avoid solidarity and stick with the crowd
drinks to a minimum (never get drunk), steer clear of drugs and
never drink on an empty stomach
|*original letters from readers seeking advice have not been edited.
Additions to the archives coming
* Dear Hana
is a syndicated column