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   INTERVIEWS  

Fran Harris, Will the Real YOU Please Stand Up?

Stylinzine.com: Hi Fran, thank you for taking the time to answer a few of our questions. So let’s get the ball rolling.  Tell us a little bit about yourself and your life’s most defining moments, particularly those that inspired you to write Will the real you please stand up?

Fran Harris: I was covering the WNBA as an announcer for Lifetime Television. After the game the producer came over to me with a huge smile. “Great game, Fran”, he said. “Ya know, you’re one of the most engaging people I’ve ever met – OFF camera. if the television viewing audience ever gets to see what we get to when you’re not on air, your television career will have no limits.” That was defining because it showed me that I was only giving a portion of myself – not all of me – when I was on the air. It changed the way I did my job but it also had greater implications for how I started to live my life. More real. More me.

Stylinzine.com: Conflict seems to have become a pesky roach that simply won’t die? What in your opinion is the reason behind people expressing opinions for ‘venomous’ reasons rather than making an intelligent point?

Fran Harris: Fear, plain and simple. We’ve been conditioned to hurt rather than heal. So, when conflict arises our first instinct is to attack. We perceive venom as power, when actually it exposes our frailty as humans. Power is in healing. It’s in kindness and love.

Stylinzine.com: In your opinion what some of the best ways to approach conflict resolution?

Fran Harris: I have a saying: the hard thing and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing. So to resolve conflict we must first not be afraid of it. We must see it as an opportunity to grow and learn more about ourselves and the people in our lives.

Stylinzine.com: What is the main reason behind most conflict, are people just plain grouchy and pugnacious or is it ego?

Fran Harris: Conflict in and of itself isn’t “bad”, it’s necessary. Conflict is nature’s way of helping us to mature and stretch ourselves as human. So conflict is as natural as rain or sunshine. We can’t grow if we’re not challenged; it’s just not possible. So, there’s no judgment in conflict itself. The ego comes in how we approach conflict.

Stylinzine.com: In you opinion, why do so many people make the wrong choices in love, career, money, family, and business and repeat their mistakes?

Fran Harris: I don’t believe in mistakes. I believe we make decisions that either lead us closer to our desired outcomes or away from them. So, whatever we choose to do we must ask ourselves, “Is this taking me closer to what I want or away from it?” If we asked ourselves that question we’d get more of what we wanted – healthier relationships, more money, greater happiness.

Stylinzine.com: In your opinion what are some of the reasons behind why people struggle to be authentic?

Fran Harris: Being real is not hard. What’s hard is not being attached to what people will say or think about us if we show our authentic selves. That’s what keeps people from being authentic. Going back to the producer who was essentially asking me to be more authentic on-air. I was too worried about the judgment of others – that’s why I wouldn’t be “all” of me on air. Ironically my career skyrocketed after I made the decision to be more authentic. Why? Because nothing sells better than authenticity.

Stylinzine.com: What inspires and motivates you most to be the real you?

Fran Harris: I feel in complete integrity in being me. I am inspired each time I don’t succumb to the ego’s invitation to be unkind to other or afraid to walk in my own light. I’m motivated each day by being more real, more honest and more daring. I see how this one powerful shift not only transforms my life but also those I come in contact with.

Janet Heller, author of How the Moon Regained Her Shape

Janet Heller is an Assistant Professor within the English Department and Women’s

Studies Department at Western Michigan University . This is her first children’s book and it’s received a Book Sense Pick for How the Moon Regained Her Shape Independent Booksellers 2006.  Heller is an established writer and poet.  Her past works include the book Coleridge,Lamb, Hazlitt and the Reader of Drama detailing English, Irish, Scottish, and Welsh drama.  Heller has written a number of articles on British, American and World Literature.  She has published more than150 poems in books and journals and has also reviewed literary based theater productions and movies.

Janet Heller, How the Moon Regained Her Shape

Stylinzine.com: What in your opinion is the first thing to consider in viewing the bully’s reasons to act out, as what makes a bully a bully?

Janet Heller:  Bullies are often unhappy with themselves and act out their frustration by hurting other people verbally or physically.  While any individual may occasionally make accidental stupid remarks or touch someone accidentally, bullies tend to repeat their taunts or attacks frequently, and bullies intend to hurt their victims.  I feel strongly that many bullies could benefit from counseling with a good psychologist or social worker.

Stylinzine.com: If a child is being bullied, many keep the trauma a secret, in such instances what are sum telltale clues to look out for?

Janet Heller: Every child will react differently to bullying.  When I was bullied in elementary school, I came home and cried.  (I told my mother about the bullying, but she did not help me.)  Other children may become withdrawn or angry.  Only an adult who knows the child well will be able to tell that the kid is upset.  I recommend asking the child gently whether anything is upsetting him or her. 

Stylinzine.com: What is the best way to help someone being bullied?

Janet Heller: Teachers, parents, relatives, coaches, Scout leaders, religious school teachers, and ministers need to keep communication lines open and listen carefully to what the child is saying.  If the child wants help with the problem, the adult can suggest options and let the child decide which option he or she wants.  For example, my mother might have suggested that I could tell the teacher because my bully was in my classroom at school.  Or my mom could have offered to phone the parents of the bully to ask them to discuss the problem with their daughter.  Because bullied kids often have lowered self-esteem and self-confidence, adults can praise the children and point out that they have friends and relatives who admire them.  If the bullied child remains depressed, the family or teacher may want to seek the help of a child psychologist or social worker. 

There are also many books on the topic of bullying that families and organizations can discuss.  WTTW (a public television station in Chicago ) has a bibliography of children’s books about bullying on its website (the list is under “No More Bullies—Books for Kids.”  I also have a list that I would be glad to e-mail interested people.  Families, classes, and organizations can discuss these books with groups of children.  WTTW also has a list of books for adults about bullying. 

Stylinzine.com: Can bullying be prevented? If so how?

Janet Heller: While we will never have a perfect world free from all bullying, I feel strongly that we can do more to prevent bullying.  Many schools and other organizations are conducting anti-bullying workshops for kids.  A psychologist or social worker or trained teacher can teach children that we need to respect other people and treat them kindly, no matter how different they are.  No kids, regardless of how big, strong, or popular they are, have the right to hurt other people verbally or physically.  Kids also need to learn that they are a community and that they can stand up together against a bully.  Workshops can urge children to report bullying to other kids and to adults.  Many schools have a “Bully Box” for students to anonymously report bullying.  This makes kids feel safer because many bullies threaten to hurt anyone who tattles on them. 

Adults need to take bullying seriously and to listen to kids’ complaints.  It is a bad idea to tell a bullied child, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me.”  Bullying does hurt kids’ feelings and their bodies.  I know kids with broken arms and legs due to bullies.

I also feel strongly that organizations need strict penalties for bullying, such as suspension from school or from other activities.  Also, persistent bullies often need counseling from a professional therapist.

Stylinzine.com: How much of childhood bullying experiences (both the bully and bullied) affect adult behavior?

Janet Heller: Without treatment, some bullies grow up to become sociopaths and criminals.  Bullies may join gangs that attack individuals with weapons.  Adult bullies mistreat co-workers and colleagues in organizations.  For example, sexual harassment is one form of bullying.  Bullies may abuse their spouses and children. 

Victims of bullies may grow up with lowered self-esteem and self-confidence.  They may have trouble trusting other people.  Their talents may never get fully developed.  Bullies kids may drop out of school and never complete an education.

I was bullied as a child 50 years ago, but I have never forgotten it.  I have also encountered adult bullies, and they bring back the nightmares of my youth.

Stylinzine.com: What inspired you to write How the moon regained her shape?

Janet Heller: I had been reading Native American legends and saw a dramatization of several such tales.  I decided to write my own legend based on being bullied as a child.  I was also thinking about friends who helped me when I had problems as an adult.  The moon in my story resembles me, and the sun is a bully.  Round Arms and other characters in my story represent friends who helped me recover from traumas.

Stylinzine.com: What do you hope your readers will most gain and take away from the book?

Janet Heller: I hope that my book (How the Moon Regained Her Shape) will encourage a child to find caring friends.  Also, my book shows that these friends can be very different from the child.  The book also encourages children to tell other people about their problems and reassures kids that they can regain their happiness and self-esteem.

Mary Neighbour

SPEAK RIGHT ON

Mary E. Neighbour studied as a psychotherapist before returning to a career in writing, specializing in creating memoirs and family histories for individuals. She developed an ear for first-person narrative and an abiding interest in depicting the fully-lived experiences of a past era that remain relevant today. Her short fiction has won awards and has been well recognized. Speak Right On is her first novel.

Mary Neighbour, Speak Right On

Stylinzine.com: First of all thank you for taking the time to answer some of our questions. Please tell us a little about your self and new book – Speak Right On.

Mary Neighbour: Thank you for your interest.  I'm really delighted to provide these paragraphs in advance.  Please let me know if you would like further information. 

Stylinzine.com: What had inspired your work?

Mary Neighbour: First it was my own ignorance—I saw a commemorative plaque in St. Louis which said something like: "Dred and Harriet Scott, whose suit for freedom became the subject of the 1857 U.S. Supreme Court decision that led to civil war…"—and I couldn't remember whether the Scotts won or lost the case. 

Next, as I tried to learn more, I became increasingly frustrated that there was so little information about the actual lives of these people.  In particular, I wanted to know who was this man who triggered a civil war?  How did an enslaved, illiterate man reach the Supreme Court?

What I could learn about Dred Scott, the man, was scant.  Scant, but tantalizing.  The few news reports about him that were published after the Supreme Court decision were wildly contradictory.  I decided to focus on quotes that were attributed to him.  Such as:

There is not a drop of the white man's blood in my veins.  My ancestors were free people of Africa. …

I responded strongly to the pride and eloquence of this statement, to the solid sense of identity, as well as the implicit sophistication regarding any notions of white superiority. 

Another magnetizing quote, just a fragment, occurred when Dred Scott was asked about Henry and Taylor Blow, the sons of his original slave owner.  He referred to the Blow brothers as:

… them boys I was raised with.  

I became confused as further research informed me that Dred Scott was considerably older than Henry and Taylor: as much as 15 to 20 years older.  Was this phrase a colloquialism?  Or did it express an abiding affection and intimacy?

Of course, these two brothers would prove indispensable to Dred Scott's struggle to win his freedom.  History is clear about that.  They found him lawyers, put up the bond money, helped sustain the Scott family through the tedious years of litigation, and they ultimately were responsible for the manumission of Dred, his wife, and daughters.  This relationship between Dred Scott and the family who owned him fascinated me.  It became a strong motivation to learn more.

A final quote attributed to Dred Scott sealed my fate as a researcher into the life and times of Dred Scott:

I thought it hard that white men should draw a line of their own on the face of the earth and on one side of which a black man was to become no man at all, and never say a word to the black man about it until they had got him on that side of the line….

I began to "hear" the voice of Dred Scott.  He was engaging, a man with a nimble mind and a fluent tongue.  Though he was denied an education, he was articulate, even eloquent.  Though he was enslaved, his voice reached the U.S. Supreme Court. 

And I wondered: what happens to an agile mind that is deprived literacy?  What happens to eloquence that has a bit shoved in its mouth to hold down the tongue?  The paradox fascinated me.  At first I questioned if he perhaps pretended to be illiterate.  Stories exist of slaves who did just that, for fear of punishment.  But it was the first quote, the expression of pride in his African ancestors, that swayed me toward believing that his power with words came from his African heritage, from the griot tradition of storytelling and history keeping, and that the power of this legacy lived in Dred Scott independent of both literacy and slavery.  The more I explored this rich heritage, the more I understood the roots of much of our current wealth of myth and lore. 

It took only one more ingredient to launch me on writing this novel.  I read a brief parable, the satchels tale, that became the crucible in which I could mix all the ingredients I had researched, and blend in the many more I would need:

At the beginning of the world god set down two satchels.  The white man come along, opened the one, and claimed the paper and pencil.  The black man come along, opened the other, and brung up the hoe and reed flute.  Some say this explain why the black man be slave to the white man….

Stylinzine.com: history obviously has a huge effect on life today, however do you think the generation today knows enough about their past or appreciate the lives rewarded to them?

Mary Neighbour: I think the thing about history is that, for most people, it doesn't really become interesting until you're in your 40s or older—whether it's world history or the history of your own family.  I'm no different than many others in this regard. 

The great advantage for today's younger generation is that we have so many vehicles for absorbing and digesting history, such as film and internet and, of course, fiction and non-fiction books.  So, if Dred Scott didn't "grab" you in 9^th grade history class, then maybe my novel will; and if not my novel, maybe there will be a film some day; and if not that, there are people out there right now on the web, blogging about the legacy of slavery, reconciliation and reparation, not to mention on-going slavery right now, today, in our world as we live it.  

Stylinzine.com: What element of history do you think is most relevant today?

Mary Neighbour: There are two, quite different, aspects of the Dred Scott history that remain relevant today:

1 – U.S. slavery ended; racism didn't.  Dred Scott struggled to end his enslavement, and in so doing sparked a war to end slavery for all Americans.  That's quite a legacy, but racism continues to be an issue for all Americans, whether they're aware of it or not.  Each individual needs to become aware and speak out—as Dred Scott did.  

2 – The course of the legal controversy in the Dred Scott case demonstrates the wisdom of our Constitution's division of powers, the importance of an independent judiciary, and the dangers when a single political party dominates all three branches of government. 

Stylinzine.com: What inspires you most in your life, career and consequently your writing?

Mary Neighbour: I was born in the late 1950s in a small, working-class neighborhood in southern New Jersey .  My sister  once asked me, in regard to Speak Right On, whether the racially-mixed neighborhood of our childhood influenced my choice of subject.  I'm sure it did to some degree, though a more potent influence was the time period: throughout the mid-60s on the nightly news, I watched thoroughly ordinary-looking people—who looked like the people in my neighborhood—marching, protesting, speaking out for civil liberties, peace, and justice.  These were the heroes of my childhood, and I think I've always been drawn to the stories of ordinary people who step up, speak out, and summon the personal courage to accomplish extraordinary things. 

The great thing about this book is that the authors and the teen writers are not afraid to tackle the most difficult of issues including sexual pressures, body image, and living in a time where reports of terror flood the evening news.

The book also taps into the successful format of the Chicken Soup books, but it sets itself apart by offering teens applicable advice for the struggles they face today in a entertaining style. Each chapter includes pop culture trivia, instructions on how to live “outside the box” and the most fun part—quizzes that test how teens deal with specific issues.

This inspirational and informative read can help teens everywhere learn to deal with their real-life problems. Pick up a copy today for yourself or for a teen in your life and find out the keys to a less stressful adolescence.

- Laura Barganier

Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul: The Real Deal Challenges

Stories about Disses, Losses, Messes, Stresses and More

Co-authors Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Deborah Reber

  REVIEW   

A Must Read!

Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul: The Real Deal Challenges: Stories about Disses, Losses, Messes, Stresses and More shows modern teens how to handle the issues they confront through the accounts of teens who have experienced them.  

The third book in the Real Deal Series gives voice to such issues as bratty brothers, self esteem, peer pressure, unfair teachers, living in a world of fear, parental divorce, illness and death. All teen readers should find a problem with which they can relate.

From stories to poetry, the compelling anecdotes included in the book offer fresh and honest perspectives from real-life teens as well as commentary from the authors. The accounts from the brave teens were nothing less than moving.

  EXCERPTS From the Book 

Living in a World of Fear

I am absent-mindedly jingling my keys while waiting in line at the grocery store when the girl in front of me buying a frozen pizza strikes up a conversation. 

She asks me what high school I go to.

“ Basha High School ,” is my reply.

“Oooh,” she says, a look of realization dawning on her. 

“That’s where the crazy girl used to go.”

“No,” I correct her, doing my best to hold back a flood of anger.  “That’s where Kelley  used to go.”

It has been almost four months since high-school junior Kelley Kaminski was arrested on multiple counts of interfering with an educational institution.  While the story of planned school shooting may not be front-page news anymore, it definitely hasn’t stopped impacting the lives of all who knew her.

In April of 2005, other BHS students heard Kelley talking to two of her friends in the lunchroom about plans they had made for a school shooting.  An investigation was conducted, and police found a notebook containing detailed plans and a diagram.  When a search warrant was obtained for her house, it was confirmed that Kelley had access to assault rifles, handguns and ammunition.  (They were her stepdad’s).

To say our school was in a state of panic would be an understatement.  Safety measures were tightened for a few weeks, with extra security guards sent over from neighboring high schools.  A meeting was held for concerned parents, and our principal was there to professionally answer their questions.  Cameras and the media were omnipresent during the next few days.  Suddenly, everyone knew about our high school.  

What was of prime concern to many of us students, however, was not our safety, but the manner in which such threats were being handled in the post-Columbine world we live in.

Case in point:  Two weeks after Kelley’s arrest a commotion was caused among faculty and some parents when a student wore an “I Support Kelly” T-shirt to school.  Never mind that the shirt was referring to sing Kelly Osborne.  The new policy at school seemed to be panic first and ask questions later.

Would Kelley have violently killed classmates and teachers from her own high school?  We will never know.  Personally, I would like to believe she wouldn’t have, that her threats were hollow and made in the heat of emotion.  She made a mistake, however, by putting her threats on paper.  They became real, and authorities became involved.

Was I scared when my boyfriend frantically called me and told me there had been a planned school shooting?  Absolutely.  I remember turning on the local news to see swarms of cop cars outside my school, transfixed by the breaking news report.  It seemed so unreal, as though it should have been happening to some other school-anywhere but here.

It was only later as the facts came out that any of us were able to think rationally about it.  And it’s interesting to realize what doesn’t get publicized on the news and in the paper.  Kelley had been held back because of a learning problem, and as a result she was a year or two older than everyone else in her grade.  Those close to her knew that she had family problems and was on medication for her mood swings.

No one seemed to care about that, however.  All you have to do is say the words “school shooting” and people get so caught up in fear that they don’t even listen to the rest of the story.

In this post-September 11^th world we live in, sometimes fear overpowers rational thinking.  Most students are now afraid to even say the word “gun” on campus or even type the word “bomb” into an Internet search engine for fear they will be accused of committing a crime.  Caution is a necessity, but when precaution turns into misguided fear and panic, we have a problem.

Instead of being remembered as a troubled, confused student in need of guidance, Kelley Kaminski will always be remembered as the “psycho” who wanted to blow up our school.  Amidst our fear of safety and even public dissention we have overlooked the facts of the story, satisfied with believing the rumors that spread like wildfire around the school in the days after the incident.  

Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself.”  I wonder what FDR would think of the world we are living in today, where our media focuses on the negative and often fails to present unbiased stories.

A week ago, Kelley Kaminski was sentenced to an intensive seven-month probation.  She was only seventeen years old.

People usually tend to fear what they don’t know or don’t understand.  Now, weeks after Kelley’s arrest, many people don’t remember what counts she was even charged on.  Some don’t even know if she was convicted or not.  All they know is that Basha High School is where that girl was arrested, and “Dude, she was gonna shoot kids and teachers and stuff.”

Yes, I am concerned about the increase in school violence in recent years.

I am terrified, however about living in a country where fear continues to motivate our actions and dominate our minds.

- by Sara Sacco, Age 17

Silent Scream ................... by Ashley Yang, Age 16

Anorexia .......... by Claire Deden, Age 15

If Roses Can Be..........by Lyssa Hogansen, Age 12

If roses can be Yellow Pink Red White And still be roses If hair can be Red Blonde Brunette Black And still be hair If eyes can be Green Blue Brown Hazel And still be eyes Then why can't humans be Black White Hispanic Asian And still be accepted? Why can't people be Special Different Unique Original And still be people? If roses can be Yellow Pink Red White And still be roses…

I Just Want to Be Me ............ by Isabel Thottam, Age 15

One Cut ............ by Taylor Davis, Age 12

AUTHORS 

Deborah Reber is a teen and tween expert who’s most recently co-authored Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul’s The Real Deal:  Friendship and writing the first books in a new series for PBS’s teen website, It’s My Life and Nickelodeon’s tween girl property, EverGirl.  Reber is the co-editor and co-publisher of Bold Ink:  Collective Voices of Women and Girls.   Before becoming a full-time writer, Reber worked in Children’s Television developing original programming for Cartoon Network, managing projects for Blues Clues (Nickelodeon), and producing an international campaign championing children’s rights for UNICEF.  She resides in Seattle , WA . Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen are the #1 New York Times and USA Today best-selling authors of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. They are professional speakers who have dedicated their lives to enhancing the personal and professional development of others.

Erika Sumner, PR by the Book

For more information visit www.hcibooks.com